How to Help a Friend with Cancer


When I invited Lori and Sheryl to contribute to our Real Women on Health! community, I was struck by my naivite about talking to a loved one or friend who is coping with a cancer diagnosis.
But, that’s no longer.
I was with my dad when he was diagnosed with chronic myelogenous leukemia, a rare leukemia that is partially curable with Gleevec. In last month since his diagnosis, I’ve struggled to find a way to talk to him about anything…without being overly concerned or too dismissive, too humorous and too serious.
I’m feeling like there’s no perfect way to talk to a loved one or friend and much guilt about my own apparent health…. at least for today.
So, it was with relief when Sheryl Kraft outreached to me to see how we could collaborate on an upcoming radio show on how to help a friend with cancer. As a breast cancer survivor of many years and women’s health writer and advocate at HealthyWoman.org, Sheryl was enthusiastic about helping friends talk with their friends who might have just been diagnosed..or are in the throes of a long, active treatment cycle for any type of cancer.
Sheryl suggested we contact Lori Hope, Lung Cancer Survivor, and Author of “Help Me Live: 20 Things People with Cancer Want You to Know”.
Always the filmmaker, one of Lori’s first thoughts after being diagnosed with lung cancer was, “I should make a documentary about this.” When her therapist urged her to deal with the disease first and worry about documenting her journey later, Lori dropped the idea. But soon after, when a well-meaning friend said something to Lori that made her extremely anxious, and when people continually asked her whether she had smoked, and regaled her with tragic stories about people who had died of lung cancer, she revised her thought somewhat: “Someone really ought to write a book about what people with cancer need others to know!”
About nine months later, Ten Speed Press publisher Kirsty Melville took Lori’s seminar on documentary production at Bay Area Video Coalition in San Francisco, and asked Lori whether she had ever considered writing a book. After several meetings, Help Me Live started to come to life.
Published by Celestial Arts, an imprint of Ten Speed Press, Help Me Live: 20 Things People with Cancer Want You to Know, tells intimate stories of words and actions that have made a tremendous difference to people with cancer. Designed to help caregivers, friends, and loved ones of cancer patients and survivors communicate more effectively and compassionately, Help Me Live does not prescribe behavior, but encourages compassion, respect, and listening.
Please join us on Thursday evening, November 19th at 8:30 pm EST for a 45 min conversation with Lori and Sheryl. Come prepared to share your story, your own struggles and your own victories with us.
Filed under: Kelley Connors, breast cancer, caregiving, healthcare communications, marketing health to women, oncology, real women on health, women's health education, women's healthcare, women's wellness









Another great resource for a woman facing breast cancer is a website called the Human Tribe Project. It’s an online forum for both emotional and financial support. It’s free to start a Tribe Page, all you need is an email address. You can invite friends and family to the Tribe Page and keep them updated with a blog. Tribe members can leave comments in the guestbook and can also purchase Tribe Tags for $20, with $15 going directly to the individual in need. Hope this helps!
I FOUND OUT I HAD BREAST CANCER WHEN I WAS IN THE ER FOR A REALLY BAD CAR WRECK WHERE I HAD BROKE MY NECK AND LOWER BACK. THEY WERE DOING AN MRI ON MY SPINE WHEN THEY FOUND MY BREAST CANCER. THEY DIDN’T THINK I WOULD LIVE SO IF WAS SEVERAL WEEKS BEFORE ANYTHING WAS DONE ABOUT THE CANCER. I ENDED UP HAVING BOTH BREASTS REMOVED. MY HUSBAND OF 25 YRS. LEFT ME. WELL IN 2008 I MET THE MOST WONDERFUL MAN WHO LOVES LIKE I AM (I DIDN’T GET IMPLANTS). WE GOT MARRIED ON JUNE 23, 2009. MY DOCTOR TOLD ME THAT I COULD GET IMPLANTS NOW IF I WANTED TO. MY NEW HUSBAND DOESNT WANT ME TO GET THEM AS HE IS AFRAID I WILL LOSE THE FEELING I STILL HAVE IN MY CHEST WHICH IS VERY SENTAIVE. HE IS AFRAID THE NERVES WILL BE MADE NUMB FROM THE IMPLANTS THEMSELVES OR FROM THE SURGERY. I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE THEM BUT I DON’T WANT TO LOSE THE FEELING I STILL HAVE EITHER. HAS ANYONE HAD THE FEELINGS OF THE NERVES GO NUMB FROM THIS?